Cryptozoological Crazyness - Bigfoot An Escaped Slave - Possibly Has Bone In It's Penis

Written By: Ken Hulsey
Sources: Craig Woolheater (Bigfoot Penis Story) / Cryptomundo / Anonymous

As a science, cryptozoology has a major image problem. There are just way too many people out there that believe that the study of yet undiscovered animals is futile. In fact most people honestly believe that the likes of Bigfoot, Nessie and the Yeti, are simply mythology combined with overactive imaginations. Despite the rather large body of evidence to the contrary, it is a common belief that there are just no such creatures.

What helps fuel this common belief? Well, to be honest, the field really is full of an equal number of legitimate researchers and total nut-jobs. Let's be honest, for every dedicated scientist who looks at cryptozoology as a actual science, there are one, or possibly more, hoaxers and kooks.

Unfortunately, it is generally the wackos who are the most outspoken, and gobble up all the press. Hence forth, they are the ones that the public normally see. As the old adage says, one bad apple can ruin the whole bunch, and in the field of cryptozoology the barrel is overflowing with bad apples.

Now, as a writer who deals with B movies and monster stories, I get my share of strange e-mails. A few weeks back, I got a real eye-opening message from an anonymous source, the real crazy ones always come without a name, that essentially took a very racist view on Bigfoot.

Yes, a racist view on the Bigfoot phenomenon.

Now, before I really get started here, I want to make it perfectly clear, that I in no way, share in this view. I am only writing this to point out that there are certain people out there that think this way.

Though I really hesitate to do so, I'm going to go ahead and share the first third of the e-mail with you. I wouldn't normally do this, but to be honest, I don't think that I could convey the 'true' feel of it's content otherwise.

Several thousand years ago there were thousands of slaves that ran off around the world and started their own countries. When these slaves ran off there was a large group of men and boys of all different ages and sizes that took off and ended up in Africa. Some of them were giants as tall as 9 ft. or even taller. The giant named Goliath that David killed with his slingshot was 9 ft. tall. So there were giants in those days. Some of these men and boys went exploring to Borneo and caught female orangutans and took them to South America and had sex with them and created the Indians. The men and boys that stayed in Africa caught female gorillas and had sex with them and created the Africans. When scientists found the bones in Africa they thought we evolved naturally from a female chimpanzee. But it wasn't a natural evolution it was a man made evolution. That's where all the Bigfoot and Orangutan creatures come from. They are half man and half gorilla and half man and half orangutan.

Okay, let me stop there. Yes, you read that right. Escaped slaves mated with gorillas to create Bigfoot, who in turn mated with orangutans to create Indians.

And that's just part of this thing. It goes on and on like this for quite some time. Ramblings about how Indians are called 'red man' and how orangutans have red fur and stories about how Bigfoot migrated from Africa to North America.

Good Lord.

I know that Bigfoot research means a lot of things to different people, but using it to support racism? Wow, that one caught me by surprise.

Oh, and he ended the thing by mentioning, that Bob Gimlin, who was with Roger Patterson when he shot his famous Bigfoot footage, is part Indian. Which, ties the whole thing together.....somehow.

I also want to quickly mention an article that was just published over at Cryptomundo about the speculation that Bigfoot, like many primates, may have a bone, called a baculum, in it's penis.

Now, on the outset, this sounds like more Weekly World News fodder, but the piece was spurned on by a conversation between collage professor Jeff Meldrum and a California registered nurse named Bobbie Short. So it's a legit article, though I think that it is kinda weird to try and hypothesize about the genitalia of an animal that is still a mystery to science.

Read the entire article HERE and make your own conclusion.

Much to do about nothing.....or a real scientific theory.

And people wonder why nobody takes hunting for Bigfoot seriously?


On a whim I let a co-worker read the entire e-mail that I received from our evolutionary scholar. Upon his urging, and I should point out that he is of African descent, and, amazingly he doesn't believe that he is a Slave-Sasquatch-Gorilla hybrid, I agreed to publish the remainder of this manifesto.

Here we go, and let me remind everyone to take their time reading this, there are so many layers:

They use to call the Indians the red man. The orangutan has reddish hair. When those men bred out the hair the Indian's skin remained red. The gorilla has black hair and skin. When those men bred out the hair the African's skin remained black. Some of the Indians and Africans are tall. And some of the Bigfoot and Orangutan creatures are tall. They are tall because some of the men that created them were tall. Some scientists believe that we evolved naturally from a female chimpanzee. Have you ever seen an 8ft. tall chimpanzee? I haven't either. Bigfoot migrated up through Africa and came into the United States at the top of Africa when they were connected by land. The Orangutan creatures migrated up through Central America and came into the United States like the Indians did later on. The first Europeans that saw the Africans said that the African women had genitals that resembled that of a gorilla. If you look at the nose of an African you will notice that it is wide like the gorilla's nose. The creature that Roger Patterson and Bob Gimlin filmed in 1967 was half man and half gorilla. It was a female Bigfoot that they named Patty. Patty was not a man in a costume, she is not our missing link and she is not a figment of our imagination. Patty was a creature that was created by men that had sex with female gorillas and orangutans a long time ago. Here's another strange fact. Bob Gimlin, who was with Roger Patterson when he filmed Bigfoot, is part Indian.

Believe it or not, man created his own evolution.

I think that pretty much speaks for itself. Don't know that there is much I can add to it.

Makes all of Darwin's theories look kinda silly, huh?

Oh boy!

See Also: Vancouver Sasquatch Photo The Real Deal Or Publicity Stunt? / Virginia Bigfoot Sightings On The Rise? / Its Werewolves vs Bigfoot In Clint Romag's 'Revenge Of The Werewolves' / A Curious Bigfoot Caught On A Thermal Camera In North Carolina / The Meyer Brothers Turn "The Legend Of Grassman" Into A Feature Film / The Monster Mash - Giant Crabs, Zebra Girls, And Yes.....Another Bigfoot Movie / Giant Fossilized Human Tracks In The Paluxy Riverbed Prove The Existance Of Bigfoot? / New Evidence Of The Bloody Rage Of Bigfoot / Bigfoot Photos From Bulgaria, Really From Burbank / Albino Bigfoot Caught Sneaking Around Pennsylvania? / Did The 'Real' Bigfoot Make His Big Screen Debut In "Great North?" / MOMO - Bigfoot Crossed With The Headless Horseman / Here Comes The First Monster Sighting of 2010 - The Maine Tree Creature / Bigfoot Caught On Trap Camera In Minnesota......Maybe? / Was Bigfoot Caught On Tape In Pennsylvania? / James Baack Overcomes All Hurdles To Complete 'The Bloody Rage Of Bigfoot' / Tom Biscardi Brings A Film Crew To West Virginia To Find Bigfoot / Another Reason To Not Wander Around In The Woods At Night - Wes Sullivan's 'Nightbeasts' / Hunting For Monsters And Other Unexplained Mysteries In My Own Backyard / 'Savage' To Premiere At Horrorfind Weekend In Maryland / The Bloody Rage Of Bigfoot - Two Hot Girls On A Motorcycle / Baack's Hardcore Bigfoot Babes....With Guns! / A Close Encounter With Bigfoot - Highway 180 - Arizona

1 comment:

  1. You just can't fix stupid.....My son dated a girl who thinks man never walked on the moon, I work with a guy that thinks the CIA was behind 9/11.....Some people are just so gullible. And to think this whole time I believed that aliens did crash in Roswell


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