Batman Is The World's Greatest Crime Fighter ... Philosopher Not So Much


No one would ever deny that Batman is hands down the greatest detective in the history of pop culture. (With the exception of Sherlock Holmes, Ellery Queen, Columbo, and Jessica Fletcher ... Though I still insist that she committed all those murders herself. Who would expect the sweet old British woman right?) That being said, having a great analytical mind does not always mean that an individual has a great grasp of linguistics. Batman is no exception to this fact. Though some true brilliance has escaped the mouth of the caped crusader from time to time he also spouted out some real doozies on occasion as well.

Here are some of my favorites:

"It's obvious. Only a criminal would disguise himself as a licensed, bonded guard yet callously park in front of a fire hydrant."

That's right, no law-abiding citizen has ever done that.

"We've come a long way from the Prime Minister's exploding cake. Or have we?"

Always keep an open mind when it comes to exploding pastry ... you just never know when it may happen.

"Salt and corrosion. The infamous old enemies of the crime fighter"

Oxidation will get you every time.

"A reporter's lot is not easy, making exciting stories out of plain, average, ordinary people like Robin and me."

Taking into consideration the state of the press these days ... I'm not going to touch that one.

"It's sometimes difficult to think clearly when you're strapped to a printing press."

Just ask any Playboy centerfold.

Robin: "You can't get away from Batman that easy!"

Batman: "Easily."

Robin: "Easily."

Batman: "Good grammar is essential, Robin."

What we speak good and everything.

"Yes, he moves very quickly for an overstuffed and unlikely Egyptian Pharaoh"

Large people generally don't make good sprinters.

"Not you, Robin. They have strict licensing laws in this country. A boy of your age is not allowed in a drinking tavern."

... and no strip clubs for you either.

"No thank you, Chief O'Hara. This time I think Robin and I better go at it alone. Any large contingent of police officers might create unnecessary confusion."

 ... and me thinks tip off a villain or two of our presence.

"Catwoman, I find you to be odious, abhorrent, and insegrievious."

I normally find Catwoman to be provocative, seductive and titillating.

"Robin: Where'd you get a live fish, Batman?"

Batman: "The true crime-fighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin."

Now that's going the extra mile in random preparedness preparation. (I know that made my head hurt to)

"It is the duty of every good citizen of Gotham City to report meeting a man from Mars in a public park".

I live in Southern California, I meet people like that all the time ... should I have reported them?

"No, Robin. With my head sticking out of this neosaurus costume, I might not appear like an ordinary, run of the mill crime-fighter."

Barney never looked like a crime-fighter to me. Neither did Dino for that matter.

"Bartender, a bit of advice. Always inspect a jukebox carefully. These machines can be deadly."

Thousands needlessly die each year from jukebox related accidents ... such a shame.

"Let that be a lesson. In future, be more careful from who you accept free lemonade."

Nuff Said.

(after coming through Barbara's window): "We would have entered the building by more conventional means, but we didn't want to startle the tenants."

... and you may have had time to put your clothes on.

"That's one trouble with dual identities, Robin. Dual responsibilities."

I'll let you discuss that with your therapist.

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