Written By Ken Hulsey
Ballerina Assassin: The Asylum's Latest Mockbuster MisfireConfined at home with the flu today, I decided to examine the latest mockbuster from The Asylum - "Ballerina Assassin: Murder in Motion." Though "Murder in Motion" is technically just a tagline, it adds a certain flair to the title that seems fitting.
A decade ago, when this blog was known as Monster Island News, I regularly covered The Asylum's releases, often getting exclusive scoops on their upcoming projects. My connection to their world has persisted through my friend Avery Guera, who handles promotional work for the company and recently forwarded me information about this latest release, perhaps for nostalgia's sake.
In their earlier days, The Asylum embraced their identity as producers of cheap, cheesy films. They never pretended to be something they weren't - their fans understood exactly what they were getting, and this honesty created a harmonious relationship. While their movies weren't critically acclaimed, they possessed that special low-budget charm that made them genuinely entertaining despite (or perhaps because of) their flaws.
In its heyday, The Asylum would churn out Transformers rip-offs featuring robots that looked like they'd been plucked straight from the world of Futurama - and that was all part of the quirky, endearing appeal.
However, with "Ballerina Assassin," The Asylum appears to have strayed from their established formula, attempting to create a straightforward action film clone. Based on the trailer, this may be one of the worst entries in the genre since the era of direct-to-cable and direct-to-VHS mass-produced cinema. The storyline is painfully derivative, having been recycled countless times before. The action sequences lack impact, the acting is as wooden as the paneling in my uncle's man-cave, and the dialogue consists of one action movie cliché after another. I half expected to hear someone deliver iconic lines like "I'll be back," "Say hello to my little friend," or perhaps most appropriately, "The name is Assassin, Ballerina Assassin."
The Asylum clearly banks on the sex appeal of Indian film actress Preet Kaur to carry the film, but her performance fails to convince. She simply doesn't command the screen with the presence of established action heroines like Kate Beckinsale (Underworld), Charlize Theron (Mad Max), or Angelina Jolie (Tomb Raider). In what appears to be an attempt at creating a signature move, our protagonist repeatedly throws her backpack at opponents as a distraction before shooting them – a "technique" showcased twice in the trailer alone, suggesting a concerning lack of creativity.
The Asylum once thrived by embracing their limitations and delivering tongue-in-cheek entertainment for viewers who appreciated their particular brand of cheese. With "Ballerina Assassin," they've abandoned this winning formula in favor of a poorly executed attempt at mainstream action, resulting in a product that looks irredeemably bad – even by their historically forgiving standards.
After a devastating betrayal wipes out her entire spy network, an elite female assassin embarks on a relentless mission to dismantle the syndicate responsible. As she hunts down their top killers one by one, she becomes the ultimate target, forced to outsmart and outgun those who want her dead before they erase her for good.
However, with "Ballerina Assassin," The Asylum appears to have strayed from their established formula, attempting to create a straightforward action film clone. Based on the trailer, this may be one of the worst entries in the genre since the era of direct-to-cable and direct-to-VHS mass-produced cinema. The storyline is painfully derivative, having been recycled countless times before. The action sequences lack impact, the acting is as wooden as the paneling in my uncle's man-cave, and the dialogue consists of one action movie cliché after another. I half expected to hear someone deliver iconic lines like "I'll be back," "Say hello to my little friend," or perhaps most appropriately, "The name is Assassin, Ballerina Assassin."
The Asylum clearly banks on the sex appeal of Indian film actress Preet Kaur to carry the film, but her performance fails to convince. She simply doesn't command the screen with the presence of established action heroines like Kate Beckinsale (Underworld), Charlize Theron (Mad Max), or Angelina Jolie (Tomb Raider). In what appears to be an attempt at creating a signature move, our protagonist repeatedly throws her backpack at opponents as a distraction before shooting them – a "technique" showcased twice in the trailer alone, suggesting a concerning lack of creativity.
The Asylum once thrived by embracing their limitations and delivering tongue-in-cheek entertainment for viewers who appreciated their particular brand of cheese. With "Ballerina Assassin," they've abandoned this winning formula in favor of a poorly executed attempt at mainstream action, resulting in a product that looks irredeemably bad – even by their historically forgiving standards.
Check Out:
No comments:
Post a Comment