Uncontrolled, persistent anger will ultimately damage your precious relationships. To truly change the negative outcomes (the fruit), we must address the underlying causes (the root). The journey to managing anger begins with humility—simply asking for help when we need it. As James 4:10 reminds us, "Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up," and James 5:16 encourages us to "confess your trespasses to one another... that you may be healed" (NKJV).
The second step involves understanding some important truths about anger. When we're angry, we often feel a false sense of control when we're actually losing control. Anger gives us an illusion of power precisely when we're feeling most powerless. Remember that anger itself is a secondary emotion—it emerges from deeper feelings of hurt, frustration, or insecurity.
When hurt triggers anger, it's typically because of real or perceived unmet needs. Here are two helpful tools: First, focus on addressing the issue rather than attacking the person. Second, learn to communicate your needs clearly and lovingly.
Frustration stems from real or perceived unmet expectations. This frustration commonly leads to anger that can either explode outwardly or be internalized, which can be very harmful over time. To manage this, try communicating your needs or expectations clearly—unexpressed expectations simply aren't fair expectations. Also, practice using phrases like "I desire" rather than "I demand," which creates space for dialogue rather than conflict.
When insecurity triggers anger, it's usually because of real or perceived attacks on your sense of worth. Take a moment to ask yourself, "Why am I feeling threatened right now?" Most importantly, remember that your true security and worth come from who you are in Christ, not from others' opinions or actions. - James W. Greer (Journey Church)
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